Martha Ruske, MFT
Recovery Life Coaching
INTENTIONAL PATH
"Helping people in long-term recovery step out into the fuller life they deserve."
January 25, 2006
In This Issue:
- New Year Greetings
- Lead Article---Getting into Alignment with Your Goal
- A special limited-time offer
- New on the Website
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1. New Year Greetings
The holiday season can be a mixture of joy and angst, especially if you come from an environment of alcohol abuse. If you were interacting with family or friends who were problematic, I hope you’ve come out the other side unscathed. It can be a trying time, no matter how many years of sobriety you have. If you need to talk about it, give me a call. (And check out the special offer in #3 below too.)
The angst part for me was coming back to my town and discovering that it had been raining for days, and then having a flood that was devastating for many merchants and residents. But it was great to see people step out and help each other. We truly are not alone.
2. Lead Article – Getting into Alignment with Your Goal
Many of us see the New Year as a time to turn over a new leaf. Maybe we let things go last year, and this seems like a way to start with a clean slate. This year it will be different, we tell ourselves. But will it?
Often we start out doing things the same way we’ve always done them, expecting different results. (One definition of insanity!) Maybe we haven’t asked ourselves how we missed the mark last time. Or we set up inflexible goals - again. (You intend to go jogging every morning, but the 3rd day it’s raining and you give up.) In this case there was a rush to action instead of anticipating possible roadblocks and coming up with alternatives first.
It doesn’t hurt to have goals. People who have goals tend to achieve the results they want in their lives instead of going around in circles. But the classic “resolutions” usually smack of all-or-none thinking. They’re abrupt, unforgiving, authoritarian, and usually don’t work too well. And they generally focus on a perceived lack, something we don’t like about ourselves, something that isn’t good and doesn’t measure up that we have to “fix.”
It reminds me of how I used to clean my room as a kid. I wouldn’t pick up after myself, but I’d let my room get really messy. The mess would get overwhelming and I’d stay home all day Saturday to clean. (Punishment.) But I wouldn’t just straighten up; I’d scrub all the surfaces. I wouldn’t just put things away; I’d dump out all the drawers and rearrange everything. I wouldn’t just put the dirty clothes in the wash; I’d put all my clothes in the wash. It began to dawn on me that this was excessive (and a bit obsessive) and too much work. Plus it didn’t make me feel any better.
The feeling I had was that I wasn’t OK the way I was and that everything needed a drastic overhaul. Sound familiar? Think of the makeovers that you see on TV. I often wonder what happens to those people after a team has worked on them; how do they sustain the change? Something may have changed on the outside, but the inside is still the same.
I think there’s a better way to look at ourselves and the changes we want to make. Rather than makeover, or fixing, think in terms of “alignment.” Your being wants to be in alignment. It’s a natural process. Little adjustments can yield big results over time.
Let’s assume that exercise/weight loss is a goal for you this year, because that is such a common focus. How can you be more aligned with your goal?
I suggest taking a “systems approach” – don’t look at your goal in isolation, but use other areas of your life to support the goal.
First, rate your level of satisfaction with various areas of your life on a scale of 0-10, zero being “not satisfied at all” and 10 being “totally satisfied.” These are the areas to look at: career; money; health/self care; friends & family; significant other; personal growth; fun; physical environment. Write down a score for each one. You could also jot down a few words to remind yourself why you chose the score you did.
Typically you’ll have some areas of your life with fairly high ratings, say 7 or 8, and some areas where you don’t really feel satisfied at all. Remember, this is not based on some arbitrary scale, but rather on how satisfied YOU feel.
Suppose, for our example, you have low ratings in health/self care, family & friends, and fun. What are some of the things that you could do in these areas to increase your satisfaction AND support your goal of exercise/weight loss?
- In health/self care, beyond the obvious food plan and exercise, you could get a massage, go to a sauna, have a really good haircut, buy a new outfit – something that can help you feel good about yourself even though you’re not at the weight you want to be. Anything that contributes to your self-esteem will be helpful for your weight loss goal.
- In the area of fun – and this can be a really hard area for some people – if your leisure time is spent doing sedentary things like going to the movies or watching TV, do something more active like dancing. If that’s too big a step, you could try walking to your local café instead of driving, for example. Or walk to the movies.
- If you want to increase your level of satisfaction in the area of friends/family you could get together once a week to make a new recipe that fits into your food plan, or make a date to meet in a neighboring town you’re not familiar with and walk the streets.
None of these specific suggestions may appeal to you, but you get the idea. Let your whole life support you in what you want to accomplish, and try some things you haven’t done before. If you focus only on what you’re eating, or your exercise routine at the gym, you’ll have an external focus that might be hard to sustain.
But if you align the various areas of your life to your goal, you’re more likely to succeed and see a shift in your attitude and the way you see your life.
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Did you make a resolution that is working? Not working? What has your experience been? Are you doing anything differently this year? Do you have questions to ask? Do you want to hear what others are doing?
If you send me emails with your questions or experiences, I’ll include them, anonymously of course, in future newsletters. Just give your email the subject of “New Year’s Resolution” so that I don’t delete it as spam! I look forward to hearing from you. Use this link.
3. A special limited-time offer
**Take action - before February 8th**
Maybe you’re having trouble with your New Year’s resolutions and are feeling discouraged. Maybe you didn’t make any because you’re sick and tired of failing.
Wouldn’t it be a relief to get some support? Wouldn’t it be great to not struggle by yourself and instead have an ally who understands what you’re going through? Wouldn’t it feel really good in December to look back on 2006 and realize that you had actually done a lot of what you intended to accomplish?
I invite you to stop struggling and take advantage of the following offer. It won’t last for long. If you’ve been tempted to try coaching, but haven’t quite been ready to contact me, this is your opportunity. For a limited time I’m giving readers of my newsletter a break of $50 off the 3rd month of coaching.
Why the 3rd month, you ask? I’ve noticed that a shift usually occurs after 3 or 4 months of consistent work, and I want you to experience that shift! Send me an email, or call me, and talk about what you’d like to accomplish or change.
If you sign up for individual coaching in the next 2 weeks, by February 8, 2006, I’ll knock $50 off the 3rd month. Remember, this is a limited time offer. If you sign up after February 8th the normal rates will apply. Go here for more information on individual coaching.
4. New on the Website
I attend a presentation on alternative treatments at a local hospital each month. The last one was about using Bach flower remedies at acupuncture points in response to certain emotional states. (For example, feeling overwhelmed; thinking about the past; making a transition, etc.) I was reluctant to go because I’ve never really been interested in flower remedies, but the speaker was compelling and the sample treatment he gave me really had an effect. The book is called Floral Acupuncture. Take a look at it here.
About this e-zine
Copyright by Martha Ruske, MFT
Intentional Path is published semi-monthly for people in long-term recovery who want to step out into the fuller life they deserve.
This newsletter can be freely distributed or forwarded to others without special permission provided it is used for nonprofit purposes and full attribution and copyright notice are given.
Also, you may use my articles in your own e-zine or website. Please credit any excerpts to Martha Ruske, MFT and the “Intentional Path” website at www.intentionalpath.com.