Martha Ruske, MFT
Recovery Life Coaching

INTENTIONAL PATH

A semi-monthly newsletter for people in long-term recovery who want to step out into the fuller life they deserve.

From Martha Ruske, MFT
July 5, 2005 issue

Word count for this issue:  1,033 (36 paragraphs)
Approximate time to read:  less than 5 minutes

STOP --- AND NAME YOUR INTENTION

I missed writing the newsletter issue for the end of June.  I went away on a “rustic retreat” weekend, and although I had intended to write it and send it out before I left, it just didn’t happen.

When I got back I felt pressured to get down to work, but felt unfocused and distracted.  When I was younger I would simply force myself to do things I really didn’t feel like doing.  My method for writing term papers in college was to keep a bottle of wine next to the typewriter.  The wine kept the anxiety at bay so that the words could come out on paper.  Well, that’s just not an option anymore!

It’s not even a question of not wanting to do the work.  I CHOOSE to write this newsletter.  No one says I have to, or sets a due date, but me.  Some people mistakenly conclude, by the way, that because they are anxious about something, or put something off, that they aren’t good at it or aren’t meant to do it.  That’s not necessarily true.

How often do you find yourself confronted with something you want to do, or need to accomplish, but find it hard to stop, focus and sit down and do it?  Maybe you make these excuses to yourself:

  • “I can’t create unless I have peace and quiet.” (You may live in a household where there is never peace and quiet, and so you find you never create anything.)
  • “I have to get my work space organized before I can create.” (Does anyone remember the “anal-retentive” series of skits from Saturday Night Live years ago?  I can picture the “Anal-Retentive Gardener” taking so much time to prepare and get his tools ready that he was never able to get to the actual gardening demonstrations he wanted to show.)
  • “I’ll do these chores first, and then I’ll feel more like doing X.” (If you know this is your MO, you may label yourself a procrastinator which makes it even more difficult to proceed.)

We may keep ourselves in mental and physical motion because we don’t want to stop and be present with ourselves.  In our past, that was a very painful place to be.  In my case, I might start having thoughts generated from the “inner critic” like: probably nobody wants to read my newsletter anyway.  Who am I to think I have anything to say? 

I’m not going to buy into that.  And you don’t have to, either, for whatever you’re working on.  Here’s a method, borrowed from Eric Maisel that will center you, clear your mind, and focus your intention, if you let it.  It is a six-breath, six-thought, one-minute technique.  Read these guidelines before starting:

  • First, ground yourself, with both feet planted on the floor.  Once you are familiar with the instructions you can shut your eyes. 
  • Take long, deep breaths. Breathe easily – not forcing – but deeply, letting your abdomen expand on the in-breath and contract on the out-breath. Try counting to five on the inhale, and five on the exhale to make sure the breath is full and unrushed. 
  • If you notice that you’re rushing, or letting stray thoughts in as you do the exercise, consciously center yourself and quiet your mind.
  • The parentheses in the instructions below indicate how you will divide up each thought for the in-breath /out-breath.  On the inhale think “half a thought” and on the exhale think “the second half of the thought.” For example, for the first thought in the sequence, you will breathe in for (“I am completely”) and breathe out for (“stopping”).
  • Name the work you want to accomplish the moment you finish centering.  There is power in naming your intention. Ask yourself, “What would I like to designate as my work this time?”  It might be a concrete work you want to tackle, or a state you want to be in.  This is the phrase you will insert in the blank parentheses of #3 below.  For example:

(I am writing)  (my newsletter)

(I am making)  (that phone call)

(I am ready) (for the conversation)

READY? HERE'S THE CENTERING SEQUENCE:

  1. (I am completely)    (stopping)
  2. (I expect)    (nothing)
  3. (       )    (       )
  4. (I trust)    (my resources)
  5. (I embrace)   (this moment)
  6. (I return)    (with strength)

Practice the sequence several times right now. (If you feel like putting it off, even though it will only take one minute, ask yourself why you’ve read this far but are unwilling to do the exercise.) Take your time, paying attention to the quality and length of your breaths. Notice how you feel when you’re done.

Whether you employ the Centering Sequence above, or use some other technique like mindfulness meditation or the Remembrance, or become centered and present without using any particular strategy, the task of bringing yourself into the moment still remains.

As Eric Maisel says in Coaching the Artist Within: “Creating requires your centered presence.  You must be present on stage, you must be present as you stand speculatively in front of your canvas, you must be present as you look deep inside for the right word to complete your poem.  If you remain scattered, rushed, unfocused, and uncentered, you throw away your chance to create.”

I think this applies as much to creating our full lives in recovery as it does to creating a book or a work of art, or a newsletter.  Intention and being present, showing up for our lives, counts for a lot. 

Call to Action:

Are you realizing your dreams in recovery and doing your deepest work, or are you not living the life you wish you were?  If you would like some support to change that, drop me a line at: click here

The exercise in this newsletter was borrowed from the book: Coaching the Artist Within, by Eric Maisel.  You can link to a description here:
http://www.intentionalpath.com/bookstore.htm

If you have friends or family in long-term recovery who could benefit from this newsletter, or the free 41-page "Befriending Yourself" workbook, please send them this link so they can sign up for their own complimentary copies:
http://www.intentionalpath.com/workbook.htm

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Copyright by Martha Ruske, MFT

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