Martha Ruske, MFT
Recovery Life Coaching
SERVICES - Overview
Why seek help?
If you’ve been in recovery for awhile, you’ve probably gotten help in a number of different ways, even if you weren't looking for it: from your family, friends, doctor, recovery program, church, therapist.
Sometimes people think they’re weak if they ask for help, that if they were really OK they could do it on their own.
But that’s one of the aspects of addiction – trying to stay “in control”. When your life feels out of control, your instinct is to exert more control. This might work for most people, but not people with addiction issues. Control triggers compulsive behavior.
Try instead to surrender to getting the help you need. You might just need to check in with someone, or tune up your self-care. Maybe you're cycling back to unfinished business and need support. Maybe you want to set off in an entirely new direction.
All of our lives there will be other people we can learn from. The kind of help you seek out will be different at different times of your life, and at different stages of recovery. Remember, choosing growth is essential if your recovery is to mean anything.
Most people – whether in recovery or not – have trouble doing this work alone. How many self-help books have you bought that are gathering dust on your shelves? When you are on your own it’s hard to stay motivated, to see yourself or your situation objectively, to not let your critical inner voice take over and stop you in your tracks.
In addition, there are major difficulties with living in our fast-paced society. Everyone is confronted with these, but it can be particularly problematic if you are in recovery. Difficulties with modern life can contribute to our feelings of being:
- Overwhelmed
We are bombarded with too much – information, stimulation, things to do. There is so much on offer that when we make choices, because we can’t do everything, we have the sense that we are missing something. The typical reaction to this is to try harder, to pick up the pace. (Did you ever drink to slow things down? To get some relief from pressures you were under?) - Isolated
We get on a treadmill to get everything done, and when we do so we isolate from other people – our families, our peers. The “to do” list takes precedence. And, when we do get together with people, we're frequently not present. (Did you feel isolated at the end of your drinking days? Do you sometimes feel isolated now?) - Frustrated
This is the end result of ineffectively dealing with being overwhelmed and isolated. We begin to think that there is nothing we can do, that we’ll never get the results we want. (Did you ever feel hopeless while you were drinking?)
In my opinion, coaching is an effective way to break through the chatter of modern life that can undermine your well-being in recovery.