Martha Ruske, MFT
Recovery Life Coaching
Stages of Recovery
What are the stages of recovery?
- Early recovery
The main job during early recovery is to get sober and stay abstinent. We focus on ourselves, maybe at the expense of our work or our families, because the task of getting well is all-consuming. We start learning about the disease of alcoholism and how to function sober. We have a lot of physical and emotional symptoms to deal with. We struggle with depression, anger, resentment, embarrassment, and pride.
Instead of acting out of habit, we become aware of our actions, our feelings, and the “self-talk” in our heads. We ask for help from others. We start to slow down our energy and relax more. We identify with other alcoholics and realize that we are not alone. - Middle recovery
The fog begins to lift in middle recovery, and some of the physical and emotional symptoms, like depression, subside. We are better able to care for ourselves as we become more grounded.
We take some of the focus off ourselves and start being concerned about other people and how our actions affect them. We are learning to negotiate the middle ground of how to let people into our lives while still meeting our own needs. Our communication with others is improving, and we can better express our feelings and discuss problems instead of denying them. - Later recovery
In this stage we have completed a lot of the rebuilding work of earlier stages. We’re expanding our focus beyond just ourselves and others. It’s a time of reexamining our lives beyond recovery, perhaps making changes in careers and relationships. There might be unfinished business from other stages to deal with. We are able to reflect more and stay with our experiences rather than shutting down.
We are looking more at the existential meaning of life and death. It is similar to what all adults face, but the person in recovery may have a more direct experience of life's benchmarks and be very aware of what they have lost due to their addiction. If spirituality hasn’t been important before, it may become important now.
These stages give us a roadmap. They aren't based on the amount of time sober. Nor are they etched in stone, or linear. While in one stage you may find yourself cycling back to earlier tasks or issues that you thought you had resolved. Like points on a spiral, you may move through them a number of times. However, if you’re not doing particularly well in your recovery, there might be a tendency on your part to avoid addressing certain issues, laying the ground for relapse even after years of successfully not having a drink.
Another way of looking at recovery is to see some fluid themes that are present throughout:
- Connection – how connected are you?
Are you continuing to move into fuller relationship with yourself and others beyond the usual stopping point of discomfort? Are you connecting in a deeper way with yourself, others, your family, your community, your world, your Higher Power?
- Expansion – how much has your life expanded? Are you expanding your life outward, beyond the narrow, restricted life of addiction and recovery? Are you discovering new directions for yourself?
- Consistency – how consistent are you?
Are you showing up for yourself each day in a regular and consistent way? Are you developing a sense of trust in yourself, and also becoming more trustworthy to others?